Friday, 30 October 2009

• Currently Little Dorrit By Claire Foy, Matthew Macfadyen, Tom Courtenay, Alun Armstrong, Judy Parfitt see related

  Allergies and attitude

  I have had allergies like you wouldn't believe this spring.  I had just started experiencing this charming phenomenon a couple years before we left Atlanta, but hadn't had any bad symptoms since moving here.  Last spring I was pregnant, and had a perpetual runny nose, so I didn't think anything of it.  But this year, it has hit me like a ton of bricks.  Nights are the worst, with a scratchy throat and needing to blow my nose every 2.4 seconds.  But, I have managed to get myself to sleep.  Until last night.  I fed Faith at 2 AM, and when I got up to put her back in bed, it all started up again.  I lay in bed for almost an hour, getting angrier every time I had to reach for a tissue.  Finally, I got up and went out to the lounge room.  I thought if I sat up for a few minutes to clear out my sinuses, I would be back in bed in no time.  I picked up the remote and turned it on, to see a service screen stating that my Tivo was undergoing a service update that "could take an hour or more."  My frustration grew exponentially.  I confess I even pounded on the couch a few times.  (Incidentally it did not make me feel better.)  So, I sat and stared and stewed for a few minutes.  I thought about working on my Bible study, but wasn't in the mood.  I considered reading, but wasn't in the mood.  I wanted the mindless entertainment that only a Frasier rerun could provide!  And then, a small miracle...Tivo started itself back up.  I watched some TV, then decided to try and go to bed again.  I crept into my room, lay down, and immediately started feeling my sinuses fill up.  Not going to work.  Up I got again, back out to the lounge room and Tivo.  I repeated this process three more times, with an additional trip back to my room to feed Faith around 5.  As the sun rose, I began to think about how hard I had it.  I was tired.  It had been a long week.  All I needed was for my sinuses to give it a rest for 2 minutes so I could drift off to sleep.  Everyone else was getting rest, why couldn't I?  Poor me.  Indulging my feelings of self-pity and resentment made me feel a tad bit better.  When I could hear Scott moving around, it made me feel even better to think how sorry he was going to be for me.  He would totally agree that I was quite pitiful.  And then, reality check.  The first words out of his mouth?  "Lily had another accident."  No regard for me or my long, lonely night's vigil!  Well, I'd show him.  I made sure he knew what a rough night I'd had, and how miserable I was, but still didn't get the sympathy I was seeking.  So, I headed for the shower to drown my sorrows.  I started thinking about the day ahead and how tired I was and consequently how terrible it was going to be.  Negative, negative, negative.  Then, all of a sudden, the thought passed through my mind that it would only be terrible if I let it.  I could choose to make myself and everyone around me miserable (Mom, I did hear your voice in my head at this point), or I could choose to act like the adult I supposedly am and get over it.  And I did it.  I stopped the self-pitying thoughts before they could even start up again.  And as soon as I made that decision, I started feeling better.  I thanked God for the new day and felt even better. I got out of the shower, apologised to Scott, and was almost cheerful.  Yes, I'm still tired.  Yes, I'm dreading trying to get to sleep tonight.  But, I feel like I've made a breakthrough, this time around at least.  And that's something to be thankful for.  

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